Conquering Snowdon

I'll get my own pic soon...

In a couple of weeks' time, @squiggle7, a wiley fox named Robin and myself will be travelling to Wales to climb up Mount Snowdon for no reason other than because we feel like it. I thought it'd be prudent to find out a little bit more about mountains in general before we went.

Mount-Taints
Mountains were first invented in 1732 by London-born but Lancaster-settled Edward Taint, from whom they gained their name: after an amusing leg-humping incident involving a prospective financer's dog and Edward himself, the erections became informally known as 'mount-Taints'. This caught on, and the marketers contracted the name to 'Mountains' for the sake of simplicity and common decency. Originally marketed as scenic devices, they quickly caught on as tourist attractions and there are many famous examples the world over, of which Snowdon is just one.

The first range of mountains to be exhibited by Taint's company were the Pennines, running from Derbyshire's Peak District* up to the West Pennine Moors of Lancashire**, and become known as the 'backbone of England', presumably due to the not inconsiderable number of jobs created during the fourteen years of its installation, which secured England's place on the world financial scene.

The building of mountains was originally licensed only to Taint's company, and for around fifty years it developed ranges specifically for use in the British Isles: The Brecon Beacons range, for example, was snapped up by the Welsh, the Grampian range was designed specifically for Scottish use, and the Wicklow Mountains was a special commission for the Irish tourist board.

The Pennines close to completion

Around a century after their inception, Wales installed Snowdon on the site of an old hill (Snow-don meaning 'snow hill') that was destroyed in a freak accident. It became the highest mountain in the world, and the phenomenon started to generate overseas interest for the first time. Taint's ancestors felt that the record should be held by the country of origin, so they built Scafell Pike in Cumbria's Lake District in an attempt to smash the current record. Unfortunately, due to a problem involving conflicting units of measurement on the original plans, Scafell Pike fell short of the record by over a hundred metres. Not wanting to be left out, Scotland joined in and went a bit mad, ending up with the ten highest peaks in the world at the time. Even today, they remain the ten highest peaks in the UK, with Ben Nevis topping the list.

Everest today

By this time the interest from overseas was so much that Taint's company couldn't keep up with demand, and licences were produced that would allow other countries to develop their own ranges under the 'Mountain' brand name. Many mountain ranges were developed for various purposes, not least the 'solution' to the great Indian-Tibetan conflict at the time, which was to install the Himalayas between them. The cost of this in terms of labour as well as finances was so great, and the building time so long, that by the time the mountain range was in place, many of the causes of disagreement between the two countries had been sorted out as a necessity of working together to get them built in the first place.

Mauna Kea: A source of contention

The Americas inevitably joined in, and they did so in style, building the tallest mountain the world had ever seen, Mauna Kea, using an innovative new technique of pumping liquid rock up through the base of the mountain which cooled as it rose and solidified at the top. A south-east Asian conglomerate put together the finances to beat this in a move which has long been regarded as underhanded: they built a new mountain on top of the previously existing Himalayas range. They have since proudly claimed Everest to be the tallest mountain in the world, but American groups steadfastly and consistently label this as cheating and refuse to this day to acknowledge that it beats Mauna Kea: Although Everest certainly reaches a higher altitude, Mauna Kea's base is nearly 20,000 feet below sea level, which is where the American mountain lobbyists say that measurements should start. As a quiet response to this, Asian groups have installed a system based loosely on Mauna Kea's production techniques that is causing Everest to grow by as much as six centimetres per year. They have stated that with an increase in funding (probably from tourism) they will be able to accelerate this growth, eventually making Everest's claim indisputable.

Don't get me started on Chimborazo.






* These were known as the Derby Flatlands prior to the building of the Pennines.
** Previously titled the East Lancastrian Moors.

A little ditty...

I've heard this song on Radio 2* a few times recently. I'd never heard it before**, but I really like it, so I thought I'd share it. It's called Jack & Diane, from the album American Fool and was written and performed by John Mellencamp in 1982***.

At the time, John Mellencamp was performing under the name of John Cougar. I hadn't heard of him under either name until some time this week. This seems a bit odd considering, as I have found out whilst researching this post that he has so far had 22 US Top 40 hits, won a Grammy, been nominated for twelve others, and has a new album, No Better Than This, coming out this month. I don't recognise any of the titles of his other songs, but maybe someone might be able to point me in the direction I may have heard on the radio at some point?

His voice is very melodic with a hint of gravel kicking in now and then, which I really like. The song itself has an interesting arrangement and it doesn't, to me, stand out as being typical 80s fayre- it could almost have been made last week. Give it a listen and see what you think!

Mick Ronson, best known for his work as guitarist with David Bowie and the Spiders From Mars, worked on the American Fool album, but had particular influence over Jack & Diane. Mellencamp said "Mick was very instrumental in helping me arrange that song, as I'd thrown it on the junk heap."

And finally, Mellencamp has ben Simpsoned and Yankovic-ed at the same time:

* Yes, I listen to Radio 2. What of it? Ain't gettin' me anywhere near that Radio 1 balls.
** @squiggle7 tells me that she knows the song well and has heard it many, many times throughout her life. This is the opposite way round to normal...
*** An awesome year.

How to: Make a home-grown-vegetable curry

I've just had an awesome curry. It was prepared by @squiggle7 and myself out of garden vegetables (bolstered with some other non-gardeny bits and bobs). Please read the whole thing through to make sure you have workable ingredients- I'm not listing them because it's the kind of thing that's infinitely variable and I want you to take some responsibility for your own dinner. It's also worth noting that I have made the steps more complicated and waffly than they need to be, as well as very vague. Make of this what you will.

• Preparation time: About five months (+ 1/2 hour)
• Feeds: Some to Many, depending on quantities used

You too can make this delicious curry

Here's the secret in 8 easy steps:

1. Grow some vegetables. - I did this by letting @squiggle7 do it.
    - Home-grown vegetables taste much nicer than shop-bought ones. This is not just something said by those who grow their own vegetables in order to justify it; it's true.
2. Harvest the vegetables.
    - I did this by letting @squiggle7 do it.
    - We ended up with carrots, courgettes and runner beans. We only managed a couple of strawberries, they were very small, and are not a traditional ingredient in many curry recipes, so we left them out.
3. Chop the vegetables up and put them into a saucepan.
    - I did this by letting @squiggle7 do it*.
    - How many is up to you: I'd suggest somewhere between a few and lots depending on how many you want to feed, individual appetites and other factors. Bear in mind that the finished article will freeze perfectly happily to be consumed another day, so you'll probably want to make too much rather than too little. Again, which saucepan to use is heavily dependant on how much you're making- go for too big rather than too small**.
    - This is where the 'bolstering' stepped in too: we added a tin of chopped tomatoes, a tin of sweetcorn and a tin of red kidney beans***.
4. Pour in a jar of some variety of curry sauce.
    - Many people will say this is cheating. It's perfectly acceptable, not to mention greener and more economical, to make your own sauce, and feel free to do so if you know how, but we were hungry, had a jar of sauce that needed using up, and are not adverse to a little rule-bending now and then.
5. Mix it up a bit and get the hob going.
    - Make sure the one you switch on/ light is the one underneath the saucepan. I didn't, but was thankfully corrected by @squiggle7. You may not be so lucky.
    - At the same time, get the rice going in another saucepan.
    - How much is, again, dependent upon how many you are catering for and the size of their gluttons. If you don't know how to cook rice at this point in your life, either find out quickly**** or shoot yourself.
6. Keep an eye on both saucepans***** until the food is done, ready, cooked and finished.
    - Give 'em a stir every now and then so the stuff at the bottom doesn't burn. It should be ready within 20 minutes or so, but the best thing to do is try a little bit now and then- don't be a dunce, and let it cool a bit before shovelling it in, though.
    - Rice is done when it's at a consistency that pleases you. I've eaten rice with people who like barely out of the crunchy stage and also those who believe rice is only properly cooked once the grains have lost their individuality and all become part of one great, mushy collective. The same is true for the curry- it's veg, so when it's hot, it's done. The only thing you really have to think about is how crunchy or soggy you like it. It's a free world, so do as you please.
    - One other thing to think about- if you like your sauce runny, no problem. If you like it nice and thick, you may need to let it simmer for a while until some of the water has evaporated off. If you do this, it should be at a temperature that will allow it to steam without actually bubbling too much.
7. Serve.
    - This can be done according to personal preference. The standard is, I believe, to serve the rice first with a depression in the middle into which the curry is spooned/poured/ladled/slopped. Variations include putting the rice on one side of the plate and the curry next to it; serving the rice and curry in separate bowls; putting the rice on top of the curry (unusual); serving both in a large cornet with a naan-strip 'flake' (very, very odd).
    - A curry always goes down well with pappadoms, pappadums, popadams, pompadums, poppadams and/or naan bread.
8. Eat.
   You can use any item of cutlery for this, but chopsticks may well mean that you're there for weeks, and steak knives can cause unnecessary personal injury without actually bringing anything positive to the experience. We both chose forks.

Of course, the above can be simplified to:

1. Chop veg
2. Cook veg in sauce
3. Serve with rice, poppadoms and/or naan.

But where would be the fun in that?

* Actually, to tell the truth I took over from her part-way through this step.

** Forget this 'less is more' rubbish. More is demonstrably more.

*** We luuuurves the kidney beans.

**** Either:

1. Phone your mum;

2. Ask anyone over the age of about 7; or

3. Boil it.

***** Not literally: this is painful and achieves nothing.

Your Horoscope with our resident Astrologer, Madame Teakay: Thank you, and good night

I've done a full set of horoscopes this year, and I think I'm going to leave it there because the idea may be getting old, and I don't feel that anyone is really reading them any more. 

Image by InspiredImages from Pixabay

However.

If you'd like me to write a personalised horoscope, either for you or someone else, please contact me, ask nicely, and include some information about the person you'd like me to write it for, such as:

• Date of birth
• Star sign
• Details of special occasion (if applicable)
• Favourite colour, food, TV show, movie, band, dog breed etc
• Day job
• Hobbies
• 'In' jokes
• Quirks, oddities and idiosyncrasies 
• Anything else that might help me to make the horoscope funny, interesting and personal

There's no charge, but I will accept donations, and I give you permission to do with them as you wish so long as you credit me and the blog.

A quick disclaimer: Madame TeaKay is just me in a headscarf and jangly beads affecting a falsetto voice. These horoscopes are entirely made up, by which I mean I don't use star charts or any special calculations to make them up; I just make them up.

You can take a look at your own star sign's horoscope(s*) here:

Leo	Virgo	Libra	Scorpio

Sagittarius	Capricorn	Aquarius	Pisces

Aries	Taurus	Gemini	Cancer

* Any future horoscopes will be tagged with the appropriate labels, so although there's only one for each at the time of writing, if anyone asks me to write any more, you may see more when you click on those labels.

Guitarists: Angus Young

I posted this on twitter earlier, and @squiggle7 responded with this, which prompted me to find this:

Scottish-born co-founder, songwriter and lead guitarist of rock band AC/DC, Angus Young was born on 31^st March 1955 and formed the band with his brother Malcolm in 1973. Famed for his wildly energetic performances and trade-mark school uniform, he is also recognisable as an enthusiastic demonstrator of Chuck Berry's duck-walk. The school uniform apparently came after a line of failed stage costumes including 'Super-Ang', Spiderman, Zorro and a gorilla.

A lot of people put AC/DC into the category of 'shouty music', but I don't; largely because I don't like shouty music, but I do like AC/DC very much*. I like them because of their attention to detail, their musical talent and the down-to-Earth, tongue-in-cheek, rock'n'roll and often hilarious themes and lyrics that they give their songs. They're a phenomenal live band, and one of the most fun groups I've ever come across: if you've never given them a try, I suggest you change that, and you can't go wrong with a copy of Highway to Hell** and/or Back in Black***

I love Angus as a guitarist because he's one of those musicians that treats his instrument much as one would expect an extra body part to be treated- he uses it to the full, and appears to have complete mastery of it. He's also one of those guitarists who, due to a combination of style, equipment and attitude, are instantly recognisable just from an audio recording of their work. On top of all this, of course, he's bonkers.




* Yes, I realise that this is a bit wishy-washy.
** Bon Scott's final album with AC/DC
*** AC/DC's comeback album with Brian Johnson at the helm. The title song 'Back in Black' is a tribute to Bon Scott who died after a night of heavy drinking in February 1980.